The following post was written by Bridge Year Fellow, Rhenna Hatton.
It feels surreal to sit down and write this. Although I’m sure I’m in the same place as many gap year fellows before me; sitting in an airport, not sure what I just got myself into. It’s weird to think I’ll be gone for a year, my entire life packed into a backpack.
I think I’ve been asked more times than I can remember ‘if it all feels real’ and ‘if I’m ready.’ And to be honest, I’m not really sure how much one can prepare for something like this, I feel like I just need to live it.
I’m a little nervous, a little sad, and very anticipatory about this year. I’m nervous because I’ve never really traveled much on my own before. I’ve never lived a year completely of my own creation and I’m a little nervous to see where that goes (a little excited as well). I’m a little sad because I don’t think I realized how much I would miss everyone. I think finally arriving at the airport is what did it for me. I had said my goodbyes to everyone at various dinners before I had left. But when my mom dropped me off at the airport, it hit me. I’m leaving. And I think I’m going to miss my family a bit more than I let on.
I think as much as I’m a little nervous and sad for this year, I’m equal parts anticipatory. Something that I wanted to focus on this year was to not plan things too regimentally. I have a habit of planning my life away and with little room for error. I think I want to try taking a step back, seeing what could happen if I just go to another country, let the day lead me. It’s a bit terrifying. It’s a bit exhilarating. But I can’t wait.
I spent a long time trying to figure out exactly what I wanted this first blog to be about. My loved ones back home, my anxieties, how scared I actually am to leave everything I’ve ever known for an entire year. But I think in that same vein, this blog can be about it all. I’ve reminded myself over and over and over during this experience to ‘feel the moment,’ to be present in my emotions, in what’s happening. Because there’s only going to be one time that I’m sitting in CLT getting ready to start a year of new, exciting, and unknown. And I think there’s something beautiful about having all of those feelings at once, the fear, the excitement, the anticipation, because that’s what makes moments like these special, worth remembering.
And I think I want to take that with me as I go forward. Really live presently, live beautifully, and work hard to feel the moment, whatever those feelings may be.
– Rhenna