The following post was written by Gap Year Fellow Shelby Watson.
The growth I am experiencing during my gap year is indescribable. I am learning who I am as I acquire my own thoughts and opinions. My whole life I have been told “this is what you do” and “this is how you do it.” It left no room for me to figure out things on my own. Being stripped of this direction has shown me that I can be confident in my own decision making.
Through this experience, I have become my own best friend and I have forged a stronger relationship with Jesus. During my first weeks in Uganda, I prayed for God to break me. Whatever that meant, I wanted him to do it. I asked him to free me from anything that kept me from being close to him. I wanted him to empty my cup so I could be full of his grace and mercy.
When I prayed this, I knew that meant I had to endure some pain. Who can be broken and feel no pain? I trusted that God would break me only so that I could be put back together to be more like him. For years now, I have carried around shame and guilt from my past. The situations that caused these feelings were long gone and I thought I had moved on. But through praying that prayer, God revealed to me things that were still present. Through his grace I have been able to expose those things to the light. Darkness has to run when light enters.
After this experience of true freedom, I have been able to share this love with others. Two weeks after my realization, I was asked to speak at conference for high school students. I was nervous at first but I knew this was something God was asking me to do, so I said “yes.” God used that conference to not only speak through, but also to give me a taste of what it is like to walk in my freedom and righteousness.
Without God I am nothing. Without God I would have no reason to try and counsel those students. I am unworthy. But as I am learning, with God and through God I am something. I do have a reason to be there in front of those kids. It is my job as a Christian to share his unconditional love. I love the woman I am growing into, I feel my heart changing in deep ways. I am excited to learn new things and continue the journey of finding out who I am.