This blog was written by Global Gap Fellows, Lela French.
“In the unnamed, in the unshapen, is not wanting. In not wanting is stillness. In stillness all under heaven rests.” -Lao Tzu
Through daily practices – meditation, yoga, journaling, reading, running, hiking – I seek the synchronous rhythm of the flow I find when my energy is absorbed into something beyond my immediate consciousness. In these moments I wish to hold onto this feeling of peace forever, but, inevitably, I must cope with the return to material life and the chaos of experience. How do I infuse this peace into every moment?
In these past few seasons of my life, my focus has been on establishing this harmony with all of existence around me in every part of my day. I spent the fall in Washington, D.C. doing a policy internship and learning to live in the hectic bustle of a working city while grappling with the transition of leaving home. I spent the spring outdoors in California doing intense manual labor to restore the accessibility of an oceanfront hiking trail. While these were two vastly different settings and jobs, the personal lessons were the same (hence my gap year quote by Confucius, “Wherever you go, there you are”). Discovering my rhythm was difficult at first and required a lot of self-compassion. Even though I never questioned my path or decisions, adjusting to being an adult took time and support.
I could go on at length about my current spiritual thesis and practice, but the basic gist of it is to exist with intention and presence in every moment. Being in incredible places with really cool people has helped me keep a positive outlook on life, but the most important part of this equation for me has been prioritizing my personal growth over everything. Shedding the weight of external stressors and others’ perceptions has given me a new kind of freedom to exist and explore as I please; I’ve found that being present is a lot easier for me when my primary focus is on my well-being.
One of my favorite quotes recently by Rupert Spira is “Peace and happiness are not, as such, objective experiences that the mind has from time to time; they are the very nature of the mind itself. Happiness is our essential nature, apparently obscured or eclipsed much of the time by the clamour of objective experience but never completely extinguished by it.” These words have uplifted my outlook on life during my gap year and reshaped my previous conceptions about my ability to achieve happiness. In the present moment, peace and happiness are my resting states and I can center myself in gratitude. With this mindset, tackling my problems has become a lot easier and my inner critic has quieted substantially.
The past six months have been a practice in allowing myself to be present and happy in every situation, no matter my outside state. I’m feeling energized to begin my international travels and the idea of starting school in the fall is more exciting than anything. Putting myself first has also allowed me to become more compassionate, vulnerable, and open-minded when interacting with others because I have no lingering fear or unease. Relinquishing my control over every situation has made it easier to flow through my days and be at peace with myself (I hate to say it, but my parents were onto something there). I’m so incredibly grateful for the opportunities and growth that this gap year has made possible.